Grief & the Holidays

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, New Years

These are the biggest and usually most challenging of all. You can and will get through the Holidays. Rather than avoiding the feelings of grief, lean into them. It is not the grief you want to avoid, it is the pain. Grief is the way out of the pain. Grief is our internal feelings and mourning is our external expressions.


Ways to externalize the loss – give it a time and a place

• A prayer before the Holiday dinner, about your loved one.
• Light a candle for your loved one.
• Create an online tribute for them.
• Share a favorite story about your loved one.
• Have everyone tell a funny story about your loved one.
• At your place of worship remember them in a prayer.
• Chat online about them.

Do’s and Don’ts

• Do be gentle with yourself and protect yourself.
• Don’t do more than you want, and don’t do anything that does not serve your soul and your loss.
• Do allow time for the feelings.
• Don’t keep feelings bottled up. If you have 500 tears to cry don’t stop at 250.
• Do allow others to help. We all need help at certain times in our lives.
• Don’t ask if you can help or should help a friend in grief. Just help. Find ways; invite them to group events or just out for coffee.
• Do, in grief, pay extra attention to the children. Children are too often the forgotten grievers.