Funeral Etiquette Matters

As we embrace so many new technologies and lifestyle changes that make life more convenient, there is still an argument for maintaining some traditions, namely when it comes to paying respects.

Memorial and funeral services are the essence of dignity, honor, tradition, and respect. They are a place for mourning, but also celebration as we acknowledge a good life, a loss, and the memories that live on through loved ones and generations to come. If there is ever a place where the significance of etiquette, tact, respect, and grace meet, it is in these last moments of a life celebration.

And, while the majority of us understand the significance and symbolism of such an occasion, there are some traditions that are products of generational preference that are no longer as meaningful today. Likewise, there are many accidental mistakes made now that can disrupt or even belittle the service.



Modern and Timeless Etiquette

To clear some of the confusion and keep you and your loved ones from making a funeral faux pas, here are some recommendations that stand for any service.


Funeral Attire

The old rule of wearing all black at a funeral is unnecessary. In fact, many different cultures associate mourning with colors such as white or yellow. Some mourners choose to wear colors associated with their loved ones favorite color, or bright colors that embody the celebratory aspects of life.


The only recommendation is to keep most outfits within the boundaries of what’s considered somewhat conservative. This has more to do with keeping focus on the departed than on fashion.


Respect for Time
While it might be OK to show up a few minutes late for coffee with a friend, once the church or facility doors close, it is more respectful to wait until the break in the service than to come in and potentially disrupt the eulogy. Try to arrive early, in anticipation of traffic or parking challenges.


Children

Many parents make the thoughtful decision to include their children when saying goodbye to a loved one. Depending on the age of the child, this can be a powerful means of healing and understanding concepts related to end of life.


However, very young children and infants can sometimes create a stressful situation for both the parents and others in attendance. Before bringing your child to a memorial or funeral service, consider age, maturity, and your ability to attend to unexpected responses or needs.


Religious and Cultural Preferences

It is often in the best interest of the memory of the person being honored to try and align readings, tributes, and eulogy content with the beliefs and values of the deceased. These services are generally not the best time or place for departures from the things the deceased held dear or the time to make a political statement. It’s typically customary to follow the tone and meaning set in motion by those closest to the deceased, be they friends or relatives.


Phones and Other Distractions

In the interest of the ceremony and those in attendance, either leave cell phones in the car or muted during all phases of the service. Avoid fumbling with phones, texting, or reading texts during the service.


Likewise, before bringing in any audio or visual device, make sure it is in the request of the family or close friends, and in conjunction with the service itself.


We are fortunate to have many more options and expressions in how we mourn and celebrate the life of our loved one. Still, the beauty of a memorial service and funeral lies in their exquisite attention to and honoring of the one we love.


To avoid distractions from this sacred occasion, consult with a Maple Hill staff member who will be glad to help you make decisions that affirm and cherish your loved one, friend, or family member.